The evening was going to be a piece of cake. What’s more we were going to earn huge brownie points for basically doing nothing much. Yes, that’s right, we were babysitting!
It was going to be the first evening out for the parents after the birth of Lolly, Boo’s new sister, and both of them would be either in bed or almost ready for bed before we took charge.
At least that was the plan, and in fact everything went well until minutes after the real experts left the house. From there on in things went downhill quicker than an Olympic bobsleigh team!
Boo is a renowned pasta eater and so I set to work cooking up some rather delicious ravioli and heating a pasta sauce. All went surprisingly well until I asked a simple question. “Where is the cheese grater?”
Twenty minutes later, we had checked every cupboard, drawer, box, ironing board place, in fact any container imaginable. I had even checked in the fridge, just in case. And then just as we were about to give up on having Parmesan, Da Boss tracked it down! (As an aside, this was an extra surprise for Boo’s mum, who couldn’t remember where she had put it anyway).
We scoffed our ravioli and generally decided it had been a great choice. Boo was full to the brim and it was almost time for him to go to bed, so we tidied up and headed upstairs, which was when Lolly, his sister, made her presence known.
Da Boss announced that she would handle this, whilst Boo and I cleaned teeth, generally made him look presentable and got him into his pyjamas. Fortunately I had already experienced the cunning nature of my young charge and so I ignored his requests to watch TV, because “that’s what we always do!”
Similarly, his demands for another episode of his favourite programme “The Night Garden” were turned down. Even when he assured me he knew how to switch everything on, I just carried on as though deaf.
All was going pretty well until I heard shrieks from Da Boss.
“Quick, quick, and I mean NOW!”
“This nappy needs changing. It is full. In fact it is more than full!”
Lolly grinned happily, her crying had stopped miraculously and the reason was obvious. She had dumped about five days worth of poo into her nappy and it was EVERYWHERE!
The nappy had not merely been filled, it had been primed to explode, which it did as soon as it was unfastened. Not to put too fine a point on it, the sh*t had truly hit the fan. At least that was how it seemed judging by how much of Lolly had been covered in it.
And that was when the second mishap occurred.
I knew where her collapsible bath was, but where in God’s Good Name was the plug? Fortunately Boo helped us with that and I finally wrestled it into position. But how was I to fill the damned bath?
My first attempt worked well, until I tried to move the folding bath from under the basin tap. At that point in order to get it free I ended up tipping half the water all over the bathroom floor. This was much to the delight of Boo, who thought this was a super new game.
So, there we were with a semi flooded bathroom, a poo covered baby and a collapsible bath with about a tea cup of water in the bottom of it.
Finally I spotted the shower attachment and realised that that was the proper way to do it! Naturally I managed to turn on the overhead shower first, thus cooling myself down, before switching rapidly to the correct mode. But let’s not dwell on the minor aspects.
And eventually, with bath filled and water at a bearable temperature that was not going to scald my elbow if I put it in accidentally, I reached for Lolly. Keeping her carefully at arms length so as to avoid the worst of the smelly stuff, I lowered her into the bath.
At which point I remembered her parents telling us just how much she hated bathing. Fortunately I did not drop her at the first shriek, but managed to keep a grip whilst she demonstrated her super shouty powers!
A quick wash soon had her smelling much fresher and she was duly handed back to Da Boss. Needless to say, Boo had to step in again and tell Da Boss that the wrong nappies were being used, which explained the look of utter confusion on Da Boss’s face. Eventually both Lolly and her brother were ready for bed and we collapsed in a heap.
That was until we heard a door open and small footsteps upstairs on the landing. A pitiful face stared out through the stair gate and tears were in evidence. We were clearly cruel and hopeless babysitters!
Once again Boo saved the day by pointing out the shelf where his “napp” or soother was. Once he had that he settled down happily and was fast asleep within minutes. Lolly managed to alarm us an hour later, but by this time we were ready with bottles and warm water and everything needed and so, after a relatively short pit stop for refuelling and changing she was soon off to sleep once more.
So ended our first episode of double babysitting. Or as it is known by me “The Night the Nappy exploded!”