A while ago my sister told me that her husband Tim, had bought a kite on a whim and was planning on trying it out when they next went on holiday to Wales. I couldn’t resist the opportunity to join in with this fun and so began a made up series of letters to various people concerning this new hobby of Tim’s.

Dear Tim

Great to hear that you are now a member of the Kiting Fraternity. Have had some interesting correspondence with some of your fellow Kiters recently and thought that you might like to know a little more about the whole Kite scene!

I have included a selection of letters to and from various Kite Enthusiasts for your information.

From MF to A Ryetun (Editor of “KItes Monthly”)

Dear Mr Ryetun

A relative is just taking up kiting and I wondered if you could give any advice. He is a keen sports fan and has been known to stand for hours watching rugby. He also regularly watches duelling contests between his wife and her sister. He has come to kiting later in life than normal so any advice would be most welcome.
Yours sportingly  

MF

From the Office of the Editor, Kites Monthly

Dear MF

Thank you for your recent communication with us. We are sorry to have to tell you that it turns out that Mr Ryetun was indeed a wrong ‘un. Apparently his interest in Kiting was much more to do with passing bad cheques rather than the much more edifying sport we all love.kitercrook

His only experience with kiting was in the number of bad cheques he attempted to pass in the few weeks that he was here.

I have passed your letter onto one of our younger contributors who will be in touch directly.

Yours in haste

A Windblower.

(editor’s note – Kiting is the slang for passing bad cheques)

 From Kites Monthly

Dear MF

I hear that congratulations are in order. Your relative has joined one of the most exhilarating sports imaginable. For the true Kite Enthusiast life does not get much better than when you are able to fly in breezy conditions and experience the joys of flight.

As you may be aware Kiting has many different groups of Flyers, as we like to be known, from the young amateur beach Kite-ist to the Formula 1 Championship Flyers or even the Extreme Flyers who are perhaps giving the sport a reputation for being flighty.

I have passed details onto a number of clubs who will no doubt be in touch in due course.

In the mean time Happy Flying.

Fredk Flair

From Extreme Kiting

Hey Buddy

Welcome to the best sport ever! We run probably the best events for Krazy Kiters in the whole of the UK and you are welcome to come on in!extremkitersComing up soon is our “Welcome to Extreme Kiting” weekend in Wales. Here you can learn how to move up from simple Kite Surfing to the much more challenging fun of Tombstones & Pterosoaring.

Yes, we have cheated a little and borrowed the name from the prehistoric winged monsters, but I can promise you terrors of all sorts along with the soaring.

I gather that you will be in Pembrokeshire in September, which is fantastic news as we will be launching the Huntsman’s Leap Challenge just when you are there. I can arrange everything you need for you to have a taster session, which would include three flights with an instructor.kitergirls

The cost including insurance and comes in at a cool £299 and the welcome pack also has a hipflask of whisky with it. We have found that a few quick nips before you make your first flight helps steady the nerves!

Anyway welcome to the gang, just send me your cheque along with the simple disclaimer form (signed and witnessed please) and we can look forward to a cracking weekend in Wales.

Dan Dares

 

From Kiting For Seniors

 Dear Sir,

Welcome to Kiting, we are probably the ideal group to be involved with. The wilder kiters might try and tempt you with suggestions that they get all the girls, but I can assure you that the sort of girls they attract can cause serious damage – especially to the wallet!We, on the other hand, offer all the delights of Kiting or Flying without the dangers to your bank account or indeed to yourself.

oldkiters

Some of the Extreme Guys have been known to end up in hospital and in plaster for months at a time!

Come and join us at one of our monthly meet ups, we tend to spend more time these days discussing the theory rather than the more physical side of actually flying, but I can assure you that our stories can really fly.

Yours truly,

 

Mem O’rees

Bide-away Rest Home,

Torquay

By this time I had run out of ideas and so the correspondence ended