You may recall that I mentioned that I had been burdened with two genetic flaws.  The first – the ‘L gene’ is clearly something that other males can relate to.  There are some who take advantage of this characteristic and use it as an excuse to lie around and do nothing. BUT and this is a big BUT, there are a significant number of men who genuinely suffer from an excess of L92. (This is the so-called Laziness gene). These men are very much in need of extra support and understanding from their female partners.

However in my case at least I am burdened with another dramatic flaw.  I have a complete lack of Guilt Gene.  In its place I have additional indifference genetic material, (In21) which sometimes can turn minor crises into major disasters.  That is because it appears that I am not only unable to spot my laziness, but am completely unperturbed about such a lacking on my part.

Having this combination is nothing short of a recipe for disaster and it is still quite amazing to me that I am still alive to even write about this problem.  Certainly Da Boss finds it extremely difficult to even believe that such a genetic flaw is responsible and so she berates me on a regular basis in the hope that she will in some way train me out of my flaw.  That, my friends, is almost as cruel as forcing a left handed person to eat with their knife and fork in the same way as the rest of the world.  We cannot help ourselves and suffer all the time without having extra pressures put upon us!

Now indifference by itself is all too often mistaken for selfishness.  It is no such thing, but when seen in conjunction with the L Gene it could easily be mistaken for a smug approach to life, which indicates that such things as housework and tidying are beneath us.  In consequence yet more marital discord is all too often on the horizon.

Amazingly though, this potentially disastrous combination which can lead to blows I am told, does not appear to be quite so dangerous when a final genetic element is included.  This is an almost unknown aspect of the interaction between males and females and is yet to be named by science. Its working name is ‘TUH’ as this mimics the sound made by women when they decide not to kill their spouse or partner.

It is accompanied by a look of disgust and despair and eyes are often seen to be rolled heavenwards as the woman turns on her heels and storms off.  Now at first sight this may well appear to be quite a negative situation, but please let me explain things from the little known male viewpoint.

Yes there has been another argument; yes the likelihood of a warm cuddle later that evening has gone right out of the window; yes the atmosphere may be prickly for a few hours and yes the thought of “leaving that bloody frustrating bloke” may well pass through the female’s mind.  BUT the reality is that the ironing still gets done, the house is worked (whatever that actually means) and life does carry on as before!  Best of all, the male has not actually had to do anything at all.

Of course eventually if this continued without any change at all then the woman would simply finally lose her temper completely and swan off taking with her the house and the kids and all the damned housekeeping, which was the cause of the problem in the first place.

This then leaves the male free to repeat his mistakes, very often with a younger and less experienced female who will then go through the same process once more.

For those of us who have added cowardice in our genetic make-up we actually do try to modify our behaviour a little.  We bump into the ironing board and attempt to burn meals with great enthusiasm.  We bring coffee and toast to bed in the mornings without ever really grasping the idea that crumbs in bed make even more work for the real runner of the house.

It might seem to some that this is a terrible attempt to regain favour, but let’s face it; it has worked for dogs and other pets for centuries.  Who are we as mere males to try any different?

So my friends my guilty secrets are now revealed. I do hope that you will make allowances should we ever meet.  And for all those males out there who get to read this, then do drop me a line to confirm how true all this is.

And for all my female readers – just take a good look around and see how many truly desperate men there are out there, all dependent on your understanding and good natures. Do take pity on us we really do need you much more than you ever imagined!