Hi there this is Boo, your friendly helper in all matters to do with the first few years of life here in this crazy world.
Today I thought it might be useful to talk to you about some of the stuff that your mums and dads never get around to telling you about, even though they have a huge effect on us. They all go on and on about healthy stuff, but never mention the much more useful kind of thing to know.
First of all TASTE. This is one of those crazy things that they completely forget about. They just don’t have any idea what the heck they are doing to us, so here are some tips to help you avoid the worst and still manage to get the very best out of this new sensation
Yes, that’s right, the big people just don’t seem to understand that this is a brand new thing for us as babies. I mean, after nine months of tasting absolutely nothing (well we have barely opened our darned mouths for goodness sake!) they suddenly expect us to know what the heck is coming.
Now, let’s be honest once you have tasted that mother’s milk it is fine, but wouldn’t it be so much easier if they let us know ahead of time what was expected of us? I mean. is it too much to ask to give us a little heads up that from now on we had to take an active part in getting our nutrition?
OK, the taste is actually spectacular and you never forget it do you? I mean I know this is the case because I have seen grown men looking hopefully at ladies’ feeding gear, so that is probably because they wish that they could be right back there themselves. At least that’s my theory although I could be wrong. One thing for sure though, an awful lot of attention is paid to that particular part of ladies’ anatomy, you’ll see for yourselves soon enough.
Now, after a while, and this varies a whole lot believe me; you will then be asked to try out other stuff. Some of it is OK and some of it is AWFUL. The crazy thing though is that the big people don’t seem to understand this, and keep on letting us try out the really gross tasting stuff time after time. The only way to help them get the message is to make a fuss when you get given the really horrid stuff.
And I do mean a FUSS! Don’t just whinge and whine and turn your face away. Go for it properly. Kick bowls out of your parents’ hands; throw tantrums; scream the place down; do absolutely everything you can to let them know you are unhappy. And above all do not give in to them! Once you do that then you are on a very dangerous path indeed.
I know some kids who have had a diet of nothing but healthy, organic, foul tasting, food because they simply gave in too early. Give those parents an inch and they will take a mile when it comes to forcing you to eat the most revolting stuff.
And I also have a tip for later on too, this involves one of your greatest allies in getting to taste delicious stuff, but for now let’s just focus on minimising the amount of disgusting tastes that you get exposed to. So, when your food is nice or even not too bad you have to encourage your mums and dads to keep giving it to you.
It’s not rocket science, but it works every time. Simply gurgle and smile and coo when the food is OK, and at the slightest hint that the stuff is tasting nasty throw a complete wobbler.
Don’t worry about overacting, they have nothing to judge you by, so go the whole hog and get them as wound up as possible about the whole situation. That way you won’t have to put up with week after week battling them and training them to treat you properly.
One kid I know managed to train his mum within about six weeks and lived the life of Reilly after that. Having said that, when I saw him the other day he did look a tad tubby. Well, to be honest he looked like a mini sumo wrestler. Don’t worry if you don’t know what that is yet, you’ll learn soon enough, especially if you live in Japan. Let’s just say that it’s not the best of looks.
So, decide what things you like, and make sure that your parents or carers know what those are. Then decide what you can put up with and develop a kind of grudging look to show people that you are putting in some effort. Finally build up a whole repertoire of screams, screeches and general noisiness to let them know what stuff is completely off limits.
Now, I can’t give you a list of stuff to avoid because we all do have very individual tastes and preferences, but make up your own list and stick to it! Remember that parents can be sneaky and pretend sometimes that it is one of your favourites they are giving you and then pull a fast one and make you eat something absolutely foul like, hmmm liver or something else gross!
That is when you have to react quickly. Throw up, spit the stuff across the room, stare them out too! Nothing is more unnerving to a mum than to be given the hard eyed stare by a kid of six months. Especially if you clamp your gums tightly together and refuse to let anything at all pass your lips. They all give in pretty quickly.
What fools they are, they could easily get you to give in if they just switched to one of your favourites, but I don’t think they realise just how aware and switched on we are. Anyhow the main thing is to get them pretty well trained in the early days, it will really pay off as you grow, I promise you.
Now, as a special bonus piece of information I will tell you about the very best ally you can have in the world. I am talking about your Grandma. It doesn’t matter who you are, your Granny will always come down on your side and will actively encourage you to throw off the shackles of eating “good food”. They are a shining light in the darkness of eating healthily.
For the very tastiest food can always be found somewhere near a Grandma, it might be a piece of sweet fruit or it might even be a biscuit; or, if you really strike pay dirt, it could be something absolutely brilliant like ice cream or jelly. Now don’t let your parents know that this is the case or else they might make life difficult for your Granny. After all, what they don’t know won’t hurt them, will it?
Grannies are programmed to help you in this matter of getting great tasting stuff. I don’t quite know how it works, but Grannies all over the world do it, so it is probably something from prehistoric times. It’s to remind us that there are good times ahead and that when in doubt always go for food that granny suggests. Follow that advice and you won’t go all that wrong. Even though your mum might be pulling a face, just smile sweetly and give Gran an extra hug. It works every time, and it also builds up a huge store of goodwill with Big G!
That’s it for now, I’m off to organise my sister, she has started to take an unnecessary interest in my books and I don’t want her to think that she can simply muscle in on my very own favourite stories.
Happy Eating guys!