I thought that it was time to bring you up to date with what’s going on here as I continue to train my parents here in Sweden. As you might recall, for the first six months I worked mostly on my mum. She was quite hard work, mostly because I was a beginner at the training game, and so things went quite slowly.
I’ll be honest with you; I actually spent a lot of my time sleeping, so no wonder things didn’t really progress as much as I had planned. But ever since the summer, when I had the chance to practice on four of the old folk at the same time, I have upped my game.
Actually the summer was brilliant, because I got to try out lots of new tricks on the really old ones, my grandparents. Boy those two were such a pushover. Anyway they helped me spot what worked best and so I have been able to crack on with my Dad Training Programme (DTP).
The best part of it all is that he thinks that HE is helping me! What a sucker, but hey if it keeps him happy then I don’t want to spoil his party. Especially not if it means that he can do more and more of what I want. Seriously, you would have thought that they would have worked out just how much we manipulate them by now. Maybe it is a handy psychological blind spot, I’m not complaining though.
Anyway, the latest news is that I have got dad to take me swimming with a load of other kids. We have such a great time, although Dad does seem to get worried when I disappear underwater. He is so silly, doesn’t he realise that it is such fun for us. After all we spent the best part of a year swimming around inside our mums, before there was that incident with the bright lights and noises and someone slapping my bum!
We get to swim around and mingle and pass each other hints and tips about how to avoid problems; and all the while our parents are completely unaware of what we are doing. You would have thought they would spot that we communicate without talking. I overheard my dad telling someone about the fact that 90% of communication is unspoken, and yet he hadn’t a clue about the baby network!
I managed to let the other kids know how to splatter your parent with carrot (it involves gurgling and smiling whilst you eat, then when they bend down to hug you, you just spit out the stuff you have stored in your cheeks.) I tell you I nearly wet myself with hysterics when I saw my dad’s face! Actually I did wet myself, but heck that’s what nappies are for.
The big upcoming news is that everyone is finally getting it through their heads about how important I am. I have managed to organise all my living ancestors so that they get together to celebrate my birthday. It has been harder than I thought, in fact it has taken an entire year to get them all together, but I am pretty sure that it will be a great photo opportunity, and that the television people will be pleased when they come to make programmes and documentaries about me when I become even more well known than now.
There will be all four grandparents as well as Mum and Dad – quite frankly they wouldn’t dare miss out or else there would be big trouble. The great news is that GranJan is coming over from England and she is absolutely the best chooser of books and games. She knows the sort of things I like and she always comes absolutely loaded with goodies.
Apparently FarFar (that’s the guy who carries GranJan’s luggage) has been worried about just how she is going to fit everything into her luggage allowance, but I know she will find a way to bring me all kinds of goodies. I suspect that the he will only have enough room for a spare set of underwear in his bags because GranJan will have hijacked the rest of his luggage space for our stuff (hers and mine)!
Well that’s all I have time for now. I have to get mum and dad out into the park, they really do benefit from the fresh air and you have to keep your parents healthy. Sometimes it is a great responsibility keeping them on the straight and narrow and in tip top condition to look after us young ‘uns. But hey they know it makes sense – after all we will be the ones choosing their retirement homes, so they need to keep on our good side don’t they?