Now as you probably know I have been arranging things for a while so that my very first birthday party goes with a bit of a bang. That does mean that I have had to put in quite some effort to ensure that GranJan actually makes it over here from England. And yes, I do know that usually it is not that difficult to get grandparents to visit for celebrations but there is one minor obstacle. GranJan hates flying!

Worse still, she is virtually incapable of travelling light. She is only going to be here for a few days and so the plot was that they would just bring carry on bags. I do know that this had been causing a bit of grief for Farfar {or as you might like to think of him} GranJan’s servant1

He had been getting it in the neck because of the restrictions on the quantities of liquids you are allowed to bring on board, but things did appear to have settled down.

Well dear friends I had better bring you up to date. Yes GranJan has made it here, and all looks to be go for great Sunday Celebration. I went with Dad to greet them at the airport but it took quite a bit of effort on my part to get GranJan in the mood. To be perfectly frank I had almost started to think that I had lost my touch because she was clearly not succumbing to my winning grin and happy face at all.

In fact she was looking more than a little frazzled and so I had to get the inside dope on just what had taken place to make her impervious to my charms. I had to eavesdrop on the conversation between dad and my grandfather in order to make my plans.

Well, what I heard made me howl with laughter. I kid you not it would have made any sitcom writer green with envy and wish that they had dreamt it up. Fortunately for me, GranJan thought it was just me being pleased to be with her that kept me laughing. Actually it was listening to what happened at the airport when GranJan took on the security system.

Now everyone knows that you can only take small amounts of liquid on board with you, right? Even GranJan knew this and so she had carefully decanted lotions and potions into small containers and then put everything into clear plastic bags.

So far, so good. Yes she had grumbled about the silliness of all these unnecessary restrictions, but it had been done! But, the fact was that she had actually filled not one, not two, but three clear plastic bags with her ESSENTIALS! (Her emphasis there).

The first woman on security had started to tell her that this wasn’t allowed when she spotted the thundercloud appearing over GranJan’s head. Quite cunningly she then said, “Well I am sure the men on the other side will sort this out with you!” And hastily sent her through the X ray machine.

Sure enough GranJan’s bag had been diverted to the “naughty bag” line. That was when the forces of law and order came into contact with the equally powerful force of GranJan’s logic!

Cutting a rather lengthy story short, eventually items were cunningly packed into two new sealable plastic bags. Oh and yes, GranJan’s porter had given up his toothpaste, mouthwash and deodorant in favour of GranJan’s necessities by this point. Back went the naughty bag through security, and this time it failed because someone had forgotten that their roll on deodorant counted as liquid and had put it elsewhere in the bag.

Bang, that went into the waste bin and everything went back through security. Once again the bag triggered an alarm, by which time the thundercloud over GranJan’s head had turned into a complete Category Five Hurricane.

“Random drugs search madam,” announced the security guard weakly. Even he was getting worried about the impending explosion and so hastily swabbed the bag and got it through in double quick time.

“All clear ma’am,” he shouted and rushed off to the next possible terrorist before he was destroyed by the temper tantrum that was about to erupt.

I am not allowed to repeat a lot of the things that GranJan said or thought, but I am sure that some of her suggestions about what people should do are just not physically impossible. But I bet that audiences would pay good money to see them tried out!

After all this hoo-hah, GranJan then headed to the pharmacy in the airport where she started to fill up a basket with replacement items. Although still cross, the action of shopping was calming her down, until she was told she had run out of time. The plane was just about to board and there was a queue of people ahead of her at the checkouts.

Apparently they had to run from one side of the airport to the other like madmen and just got to the gate on time. No wonder GranJan had been pre-occupied when we first met. Quite frankly I was staggered to see Farfar still alive after all this. I mean it was his fault she hadn’t been allowed her usual quantity of baggage in the first place!

Fortunately I was able to work my magic on GranJan and by the time the car got us to our destination she was putty in my hands. Everything had been forgotten, at least for the moment, but I am pretty sure that someone (her slave) will be paying the price later on.

That’s all for now, no doubt there will be more to report back on later. But, a word of warning to any of you near airport security, watch out for ladies with a flash of bright red hair, they can be trouble if not handled correctly! I know, I have seen the scars on GranJan’s faithful manservant!