Welcome to Wales! It’s a great place for a summer holiday and my great aunt Helen loves me so much that she has invited me to stay in her apartment once again. So I thought that I would ell you guys a little more about just what makes Wales so good.
Naturally I have been sworn to secrecy about the actual seaside village where we are staying as otherwise there would be a stampede of foreigners invading this little piece of old fashioned fun. In fact almost all of Wales is a secret anyway, they hide everything with weird words and the strangest of place names. So at least my great aunt can be sure that I shan’t be giving too many secrets away – at least not knowingly.
Now, just to remind you, I am bilingual already. My first two languages are Swedish and English, but actually I am really just bi-aural rather than bi-lingual as I can’t be bothered to use either language right now. Of course I understand both languages completely – unless it suits me not to; in which case I have a wonderful look of worry. That invariably lets me off a scolding in whichever language!
Actually today I became tri-lingual, at least according to the little welsh lady who was cooing over me at the time.
“Dew” she said. “The little one speaks lovely Welsh, look you!”
“What a marvel, he just said good health to me in perfect Welsh, Amazin’!”
“Oh yes,” went on the little old Welsh woman. “He had a great accent too. Clear as day it was when he greeted me!”
He just came right out with it “Iechyd Da”
My mother was completely stunned by this and was at a loss for words. I simply smiled, (using *Winsome look No 3*) and then looked around shyly. That always works.
I had better confess that all was not quite as the old lady thought. You see the Welsh have the extraordinary ability to murder words and sounds better than almost anyone other than a drunken Kurdish prize fighter.
They specialise in words that require the rest of us to swallow a small prickly stickleback before even attempting to pronounce them, and what is more when they do speak English they sound just like someone from a call centre in India.
With all this in mind it was no wonder that the lady was surprised at my attempt to say “Good Day” to her in Welsh.
In fact this was not the case at all, I had just choked on a small bit of biscuit that I had discovered and then sneakily snacked on without my mum noticing. When the old lady had stopped and said hello I had been so surprised that I swallowed a bit of extra fluff as well. I went into a kind of suppressed coughing fit, crossed with a gagging sound as I tried to mask my sneaky snacking.
The result was clearly good enough to pass as Welsh, so I just sat there and hoped that no one would notice the crumbs around my mouth.
In case you were wondering, the sound that I had made whilst choking sounded remarkably like “Yuch eee errr aaarrrggghhh daaaahhhh” which the old welsh lady understood perfectly. So, if you ever want to wish a Welsh person good health or cheers, then just choke on a biscuit and you will have a friend for life!